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himself with his behaviour. But that s just my humble opinion.
Don t worry. I see it just the same. Pierce let out a sigh. I suppose that means I ll
have to make a little statement so he knows just how much his boss does not have the hots
for him. Anyway, sweetheart, as much as I appreciate this piece of information from a
company manager s point of view, I m afraid we got sidetracked a bit. He gave Noah a
tender smile. Or was that you buying time again?
Noah s expression grew sheepish but he held Pierce s enquiring gaze. I wanted to tell
you anyway. This may not have been the perfect moment, but I believe we still have enough
time to address the truly important matter.
Oh, crap. Pierce groaned. You have been spending a lot of time with Francis lately,
haven t you? That sounded just like what he would say.
A lopsided grin lit up Noah s troubled face. Yeah, well, he does get into your head,
doesn t he?
Oh, he certainly does, Pierce agreed. So anyway you were telling me about that
evening we fought and you met with Shae.
Yes. Right. The haunted expression was back in Noah s eyes. Well, it was just that,
basically. I d been having a hard time as it was, and then, on top of it all, we fought. Shae was
pretty sympathetic and listened to me whine and mope for ages. Poor thing.
Shae. Just why does everything seem to involve Shae lately? Is he the one who& ? Pierce
asked, relieved when Noah shook his head.
Nn-nn. He s the one who suggested I try it initially, but he never flogged me. We felt
that it wouldn t be right somehow, because& Well, because&
Because the two of you are too close.
Noah nodded. He s my best friend, Pierce. My only just-friend. He s the only one who
knows me but isn t, uh, involved with me. And we wanted to keep it like that. I don t feel
attracted to him. He made a face. I mean, sure, he s hot, but I could never be with him that
way not last cause he looks just too much like family for me to be comfortable about it.
Turning serious, he continued, Francis said that sometimes in a scene, um, things
happen. He s used to that and knows how to handle it. Shae does, too, at least to a certain
extent, what with him having been a service Top and all that. But we still thought it would
be safer that way. More appropriate, so to speak. And it wasn t just about the sexual aspect,
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either. Francis already knows that side of me from when he worked with me all those years
ago. He can anticipate my reactions, my triggers and my freak-outs better than anyone else.
Sorry, he whispered when Pierce winced.
It s okay, Pierce answered. I ve known all along that he s got to see a side of you I
never have and probably never will.
Staring at the table, Noah didn t say anything for a long moment. When he looked up
again, the blue ice of his eyes was ablaze with emotions.
I wanted it to be you, Pierce, he whispered in a tear-choked voice. More than
anything, I wanted to go there with you. I wanted you to be the one who& He swallowed
and turned away, seemingly still unable to put his secret into words. Still unable to disclose
what must be his darkest desire.
You& want me to flog you? Pierce asked. He was having a hard time coming to terms
with all this. It was near impossible to imagine Noah, of all people, tied up to a St Andrews
Cross and getting the living daylights flogged out of him. Noah, who had been forced to
endure the excruciating pain of a bullwhip s licks more than one time too many. The scars it
had left on him were still there on his body and his soul and sometimes they showed, in
spite of all his stubborn determination to ignore them.
I m sorry, Noah said in a low, hoarse voice. I know it s something you re not
comfortable with. That s part of the reason I didn t want to tell you. I know I can t ask this of
you, it s just& I just wanted you to know that, if the choice was mine, I d rather it was you
than Francis.
Oh, Noah, sweetheart. I wish I d known. I wish I could have been there for you. I m so
sorry, love. You re right, it should have been me. I should have been there with you and seen
you through it.
He paused, trying to find the words to phrase his feelings but Noah was faster. He
made a sad little sound, something between a chuckle and a sob, and said, Go on. I know
there s a but. I ve known it all along, so just say it. It s all right.
Yes. Pierce nodded. You re right. Again. It is something I m not comfortable with.
I m sorry, love, but hurting someone is just not something I m good at. Especially not if that
someone happens to be the man I love more than anyone else on this planet. He drew a
breath that, even in his own ears, sounded terribly like a snuffle. He forced himself to
continue as calmly as he could, although the memories that had started welling up were
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about to choke him. I was there, Noah. I saw how much what Robert did to you messed you
up. I could never do that to you. Not even if you asked me to. If pain is what you want, then
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