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future in it.
His mate wouldn’t turn away from the thousands of distressed
supernaturals on Morgana who needed him. Even as Ben opened his
mouth to protest, Jasper could see the tears welling at his eyes, could
feel his growing sense of duty and worry, could sense Ben slipping
away from him more by the minute.
“I won’t do it,” Ben said, turning his angry eyes on Jacob. “I love
him. Do you have any idea what that’s worth?”
Jacob shook his head. In a barely audible voice he said, “Not
really.”
“Well, I do.” Ben turned back to Jasper. “You may not feel the
same way about me, but—”
“I do.” Jasper’s heart hammered in his chest, and he cursed
himself for not saying it all the way. He’d kept running the words
over in his head before he said them, but the more he did, the more
certain he became that if any I love yous left his mouth for the first
time right now, he’d break down and bawl like a baby. “That’s why I
think you should go.” Ben looked at him, eyes wide with either love
or betrayal, Jasper didn’t know which. He could sense both emotions
swelling inside his mate and reaching out to him. Ben, too, reached
out to touch him, to rest his hand on his leg, but it was a different kind
of touch this time, not desperate or tender or frightened. It was almost
like a good-bye. Jasper continued. “You remember our dream? That
last nightmare? You reached out for the box that said Morgana. You
wanted to go to it, but I held you back. I wanted to keep you for
myself, but you deserve to know who you are.”
“I’m your mate,” Ben protested.
Ben in the Shadows
117
“And I’m glad you are, because you changed me,” Jasper said. “I
was shallow and selfish before I met you. I’m not like that anymore.
I’m not sure I can live with our happiness if it’s at the expense of a
whole planeful of people suffering. And I know you can’t.”
Ben didn’t respond, and the room was silent for a moment. Jasper
smiled weakly, in spite of the tight lump of emotion in his throat. Ben
pulled his hand from Jasper’s thigh to wipe at his eyes. It was only for
a second, but in that long, silent moment, the distance between them
seemed insurmountable.
Jacob broke the silence. “I don’t know how much time we have
before we leave,” he said. “Fate will call you when it’s time to go, but
the planesgate between the supernatural and the natural world has
never stayed open for long. If I were you, I’d be ready to leave
tonight.”
Tonight. Jasper bit his lip, knowing that a few more hours might
be all the time he had left with Ben. He felt the sadness ebb and flow
between them until he couldn’t take it any longer. He captured Ben’s
hand on the couch and squeezed it. Ben squeezed back.
Jacob watched them. “He’s your mate?” he asked, indicating
Jasper. Ben nodded. “I’m sorry I can’t take you both.”
Jasper’s hand tightened in Ben’s. He breathed in and out a long
breath as he looked around the room. His glance stopped at the empty
space alongside him where Alexander had been standing.
He wasn’t there anymore.
* * * *
Alex couldn’t stand to listen any longer. In the middle of the
meeting, he got up and walked away, following the motion of his feet
out the door and through their backyard and into the woods. He had
spent countless hours there, honing his ability to scent different
creatures, to track, to trace, to test his strength. Not that it mattered
now, he thought as he reached the cove of trees where he usually went
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Ellen Ginsberg
to shift. He didn’t shift all the way, though, not this time. Just the
claws would be enough.
He felt them, razor sharp and piercing, burst through his fingertips
as he fiercely slashed at one of the trees, leaving long gashes in the
bark in their wake. He stared at what he’d done, regret and shame
instantly flooding his body. Alex had found an outlet for his
overwhelming emotions in the hours of work he poured into his
training, believing that it was best to be constructive, to continue to
work toward the future. That outlet was gone now, and he was angry
and confused and hurt. The rush of conflicting emotions lapped at his
mind like a fire that threatened to consume him, and in his despair he
dug his clawed hand into the tree again, bearing down, digging in as
hard and hurtful as the pain he felt inside his head until he could do
nothing but howl out his remorse. He was moments from ripping the
whole goddamn oak out from its roots, but he stopped when he felt a
fragile hand on his shoulder.
He turned, and his eyes widened when they met Jacob’s.
Immediately, Jacob snapped his hand back from Alex’s shoulder,
dropping it to his side and freezing it there, as if he was afraid to
move it again.
“Sorry. Sorry. I’m not…I didn’t mean to…”
“Spit it out already,” Alex growled.
“I’m gonna go,” he said, quiet and calm. “Yeah.”
Alex heaved out a sigh. “I’m not going to hurt you, if that’s what
you’re worried about.”
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