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controls and triggered the CD player. He didn't remember what he'd left in there, but it would
probably help lighten the mood a little
But the first selection hit him between the eyes and left him stunned. "I'll Find My Way Home," by
Jon Anderson and Vangelis.
Home. He'd thought he'd lost his home forever; that he didn't fit in the old one, and hadn't found
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a new one. Shar had never had one. What was it that Thomas had said something about not being able
to go back to your childhood home because you outgrew it? And that part of being an adult was
building your own home?
And building it meant finding someone to share it. Home wasn't really more than a place to live if
it meant being alone.
So why did this room feel so much like a home?
"Ah are Chinthliss and your mother getting along?" he asked carefully.
She smiled, and it was clear that she approved of what was going on. "As a matter of fact, I think
they're doing just fine. Mother confessed that she was stalling him to let me get you out of the
mess on my own, but by then, Chinthliss was so grateful for the way she'd spent herself for you
that if she'd confessed to murdering his parents and sleeping with Madoc Skean, he'd have forgiven
her." Her green eyes softened, and her smile softened with them. "He really cares a great deal for
you, you know," she said quietly. "He could be your father; he loves you that much."
Another revelation that left him a little stunned. "I think maybe you're exaggerating a little."
But she shook her head. "No. No, I don't think so. I watched him with you here; I listened to him
browbeating the Healers, swearing he'd search through every domain Underhill if he had to, in
order to find the best for you. He nearly did that, too he's going to owe a lot of people a lot of
favors for a long, long time."
"Oh, hell," Tannim muttered numbly. "He's never going to forgive me for that he hates owing
people "
But she leaned over and placed both her hands on his. "He doesn't care. Didn't you hear what FX
said? You nearly died, not just Underhill, but three more times after we brought you here."
"I did?" Some of those confused memories began to make appalling sense... .
"You have no idea how much damage Charcoal did to you," she said soberly, the color draining from
her face. "Mother thought that the talon missed your heart it didn't. Thank the Ancestors there
were Healers here when " She shook her head. "I can't talk about it. I thought Chinthliss was
going to go mad, or I would. Fox was the only one who stayed calm. He was always here, the least
powerful and the most hopeful, when we were feeling like hope was lost."
He took a slow, careful breath. "So what's the real damage?" he asked. He didn't want to know and
he did. Hell, he had to know; he was going to have to live with it for the rest of his life.
"The permanent damage is in your left lung and your heart," she said bluntly. "You've lost the
bottom lobe of that lung. The rest broken ribs, torn muscles, internal damage is either healed or
is going to heal." She blinked, and her eyes glistened suspiciously. "You're going to have to be
careful. It's always going to hurt when you really exert yourself, like a stitch in the side, only
worse. That's the best they could do, and Chinthliss would have sold himself into slavery to make
you well."
Then she added in a very quiet voice, "So would I."
There it was, out in the open.
"You were here the whole time?" he asked softly.
She nodded. "I never left. I couldn't. When I thought you were when Charcoal " Her voice faltered
and died. "Fox kept me company. I never saw much of the lesser kitsune before this. He's a lot
deeper than he lets on. He couldn't do anything physical on this side of the Hill, but he watched
you for me when I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore."
So the "memories" were real... .
He thought very carefully about his next words, picking them with utter precision before he spoke
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